Pilotlog Page 20
Somewhere in England, early 1940's
JG300x_Hero's Pilotlog entry:
It was
Christmas and squadrons on both sides of the channel were
drinking (even more than normal) between sorties and their
thoughts turned wistfully to their homes and their families. In a
moment of high spirits, Spectre thought he’d fly across the
channel and beat up the airfield of JG300x (it’s a weakness
of his). He knows the
pilots of the squadron well, having encountered the Focke Wolf
190’s with red fuselage bands earlier in the year.
Spectre flew low over the airfield, dropped his landing gear,
waggled his wings and changed the mixture settings on his Spit to
simulate “engine trouble” and a forced landing. The
airman of JG300 sized up the situation, held their fire and
awaited the arrival of the Spit and the chance to capture and fly
the kite before the powers that be
inevitably spirited it away for evaluation trials.
Spectre lurched and side-slipped drunkenly toward the grass field
in a sickening see saw approach which seemed certain to dash the
undercarriage clear through the airframe. In a feat of airmanship
and bravado, Spectre bounced his way down the strip. He then
taxied to the dispersal hut, ran up his engine (to deafen all
present) and
swung the aircraft around on sixpence to face the grass run way
again. With the engine ticking over in course pitch,
Spectre’s brilliantine head popped out of the retracted
canopy and he placed a tatty looking Santa’s cap in the
place his flying cap should have been.
The whole of JG300x stood dumbfounded, looking from the rakish
lines of the Spit to the allied “Flieger” in the silly
hat. No one moved but grins, guffaws, some elbowing and spilled
steins of beer were sufficient welcome for the gregarious nature
of Spectre. He stepped out onto the wing of his machine and
dozens of JG300x staff fell
about laughing and holding their sides as the “portly”
:) pilot stood in his seat to reveal a Santa suit that had seen a
few too many Rotarian kiddies toy drives. It had ice cream stains
and cigarette burns in most places that the matted beard
didn’t cover. The beard itself and the stains therein truly
beggared description but the dark red
stains around the mouth were clearly the result of the
“chewing-baccy” that Spectre let fly in a juicy stream
as he stepped down onto the grass. Once on the ground, Spectre
promptly grabbed a stein of German beer from an incredulous hand
and launched into a bawdy version of: “ We wish you a Hairy
Christmas (and a Sodden
New Year)".
Now German air crew like a joke as much as the next (despite
reputations to the contrary) and soon there where schnapps
chasers and black bread to be had along with the Cuban cigars
Spectre handed round to all present.
It seems that a combination of Christmas spirit, chivalry and
barracks-room German (spoken with a distinctive American drawl)
were sufficient to overcome the notion of formal hostilities and
a “Good ol’ down home shin-dig” ensued once
Spectre got enough jabbering Germans out of his cockpit, off the
wings and away from every
inspection hatch and engine cowling of his machine, so that it
could be pushed (none too stylishly) into a nearby hangar.
It seems that the Christmas spirit got the better of Spectre (or
perhaps the Christmas Schnapps) and in a cloud of cigar smoke and
beery breath, the American flieger challenged any German airman
to out fly him with only range paint ammo and gun camera footage
to decide the outcome of the contest.
A neatly dressed German pilot by the name of Hero
Von-Stienenguzzler (Hero for short) snapped to attention and
clicked his heels in the Prussian fashion and issued instructions
to his ground crew.
“Mine Herr, I will have my personal aircraft placed at your
disposal. Our armourers will load zee range ammunitionz into two
aircraft immediately and following zee engagement, der gunnen
kamera will be used to assess the merit in your combat teknique.
May zer best Flieger win ja?"
Spectre pulled his crusty beard aside, wiped his mouth on his
Santa suit sleeve (momentarily exposing his rank braid
underneath) before smiling and drawling:
“Why sure son, I’ll be glad to borrow one of these boom
and zoom machines of yours. Right neighbourly of you to do the
fixin’ of the gun camera’s and all too, I’d
say.”
Hero turned and smiled urbanely “Ve should agree a zerrten
uzzer condittionz also ja? You may smoke your Cuban cigars in
mine aircraft. However, you are honour bound to refrain from
using chewing tobacco”.
“Agreed” replied Spectre, as he planted a well-used
cigar in the corner of the “biggest, grinnin’est
down-home Ya’ll come back now y’ hear” smile, that
any wartime Axis pilot would ever see and live to report.
“Alzo, paint ammunitionz splatter on ze kannopy vill count
is “flieger wounded”, while using zer vinscreenen viper
shall count as “piloten killed” ja?”
“Weeee-yell Hero, that all sounds mite ‘fisticated for
a down home boy like old Santa here, but I’ll go hitch a
nose bag on them thar Reindeer ‘afore we get started.
An’ once we git on up there, don’t you worry none
‘bout me havin’ ta find where the wipers is on these
here kites a yours ya hear” said Spectre.
“Bee-sides” he said (in his beard), I’ll be
wipin’ tha inside ‘o that there purdy canopy when I
miss ma spittoon anyways :)”.
The first rounds of wheeling and turning saw Spectre take
Hero’s 6 and splatter the
squad’s recently supplied aircraft with garish red
splotches. Von Steinen-guzzler
signaled a salute and the aircraft disengaged for a second
“friendly” round.
This time, Hero scored a paint blast on Spectre/Santa’s
windscreen during the merge
and green splotches covered his canopy and his reindeer insignia
too.
Spectre radioed a need to report into a neighbouring base and a
short flight over the cliffs of Dover saw the pair land in the
field at the rear of an Allied base, where the paint splattered
machines were swapped for a re-armed pair of spit IVX’s.
Hero marveled at the raw power of the unfamiliar machine and
promptly stalled and spun…
presenting a pretty target to Spectre who re-decorated the side
of one of His Majesty’s finest pieces of war materiel.
The temperamental weather over the Channel played havoc with
visibility and communications so, a brief return to base and a
bucket or two of rum-laced eggnog later, saw the pair take off
for a few turn flights in a pair of older Spit IA’s. Hero
got painted good and proper during the next 2 rounds, but the
tight turning fights also saw Spectre’s sleigh all covered
in Hero’s green splotches. Spectre called a “canopy
splatter” during one merge and presented a spectacular gun
camera shot in the next round, which settled the challenge.
Hero returned to his own base with his paint encrusted A8 and
went immediately to
the photo intelligence section for some advice.
Three days after the event, Hero returned Spectre’s low
level “Greeting Card” and accidentally blew out the
windows in both the mess hall and the Regimental Aid Post of
Spectre’s base, as the Focke Wolf flew low enough between
the buildings to draw grass and grit into his engine intake.
Hero nursed an over-heated engine all the way back across the
Channel, however before heading off (and only after 5 minutes of
dodging trees and radio masts around the base), Hero dumped
JG300x Christmas cards into his slip stream and littered the
field. Each card was addressed individually to allied pilots then
posted to the
European front. Apparently the names, ranks and serial numbers of
all fliers were readily available to German intelligence sources
somewhere?
One final stunt involved the release of his external tank (full
of green paint) at the side of the airfield’s Ready Room.
Allied personnel were busy hosing the mess off the roof before
Hero’s radial engine crackled away into the distance. No one
noticed Spectre pick up a small package of rolled up camera shots
which were dropped (as
agreed) on the opposite side of the field. Rumour has it, that
there is a picture of a crusty-looking Santa and a group of
“elves” in grey tunics and goggles on the back of
Spectre’s jack room door ;)
Grimmreaper's pilotlog entry:
As my squad was given
the order to get ready for our patrol, I stepped outside for what
could be my last smoke.(again) hehe
I walked outside, and cold breeze blew across our airfield. As I
lit my smoke, a dark
smiled came over my face. I looked up to the heavens with my eyes
blaring red and shook
my head, and said, "Sorry, but this ones mine."
Marching back into the barracks, I looked
at all my fellow pilots and even saw fear in thier eyes. Turning
around to grab my flight cap,
I told them I was goin solo on this one. Jumping into my Spit
IXC, I took off on my patrol.
Round 1 - Grimm Spit IXC vs Hangten BF 109G-6
On the 1st pass, we both fired a stream of bullets at one
another, we both managed to
survive. I rolled my Spit over with flaps on full and pulled back
hard, trying not to black
out. I finally leveled out on Hangtens 109G, but too late, he was
out of range. The next few
passes, I would fire a short burst at 2000 feet away, and break
off and try to turn on his 6
before he could get to far away. Then on one pass a dogfight
broke out. I don't remember
exactly what happened, but we were trading shots, and dogfighting
in close for a good
period of time, I was lucky to get a quick burst at his 7 low
that took out his tail section.
Grimm 1 - Hangten 0
Round 2 - Grimm Spit IA vs HAngten Spit IXC
Once again, the round went pretty much the same as 1st. This time
though, there was alot
more in close dogfighting. This time I fired a quick burst from
Hangten's 6 high and
watched his engine smoke, wasn't over yet tho. The match went on
for a few after that.
And finally I watched his Spit splash into the ocen. Grimm 2 -
Hangten 0
Round 3 - Grimm BF 109K-4 vs Hangten Spit IXC
This time it was my time to try a lil boom n zoom. Didn't quite
workout that way tho. We
both survived the 1st flurry of bullets at the pass, and a
dogfight broke out. I could see
bullets whizzin by my plane, and the ocasional one would hit. I
put my plane in a dive and
started extending slowly. At 2000m I pulled back on the stick and
started a loop, as we
passed with gunz blazing my engine starts smokin, and one of my
rear ailerons is damaged.
Luckily I had alot of alt. to kill. I started my chase as Hangten
extended. Limping my plane
around, Hangten came back for a few more passes. Putting a few
more bullet holes in my
wounded plane didn't help either. I could see Hangtens smile as
he flew past me on the
last pass. :) Hangten 1 - Grimm 2
Round 4 - Grimm Spit IA vs Hangten Spit IXC
With these 2 planes, I think you can imagine what this round was
like. A solid 10-15 mins
of dogfighting. After some nice manouvers by Hangten he slid onto
my 6 and let me have
it. Hangten 2 - Grimm 2
Round 5 - Grimm Spit XIVE - Hangten Spit IXC
Again, an awesome and great round by both pilots, trading pot
shots, stallin a few times :)
and just about everything else under the sun. I was able to
damage Hangtens plane and
watch the smoke bellow out. Grimm 3 - Hangten 2
Great match Hangten, looking forward to another match with you,
was some nice flyin back
there. S!
No609_Blacksky's pilotlog entry:
After several tries and
misses b/c of different timezones, we finally managed to fly last
night...and it was really worth waiting, it was one of the
hardest fights i ever had with a lot of luck on my side...
Dissimilar planes
Round 1:
Mad`s choice was the spitIX, so i choose the XIV. We started as
usual h2h, but Mad turned away in last second, so no chance to
use the firepower of the XIV...he climbed high to loop..i did the
same and we meet again on top; again no hits. Then he brakes away
hoping i`ll follow, but i dont want to start a turnfight against
the IX flying this brick of a plane... so i extend and try to
gain some altitude and Mad follows... After a min or so i`m about
1000 feet higher and faster and turn towards him or at least i
try, but at 22k the XIV turns even bader then used to, so i miss
him and extend again... For the next 10 min we continue like
this, extending, turning back, firing and extending again...at
one point i manage to get him at climbing speed, but he gets his
plane in a barrelroll and i cant turn fast enough to follow, so
extend again... Slowly the engine is getting to hot,so i want to
force this fight to an end, allways a bad idea, stupid as i am i
start a turningfight at about 22k and for sure i force this crate
in a
highspeed stall with Mad on my six firing... My only chance is to
make him overshoot, so i slow down with all i have and yes, he
passes me in a powerdive with about 320-350mph...thanks, at this
speed the IX isnt very handy,
so i give full throttle, dive after him, he tries to turn away,
but he is much too fast to cut the corner and before he slows
down to outturn me again, i blow his tail and his wing away in
one long burst...
1:0
Round 2:
Same planes and nearly same fight, but this time i avoid a
turnfight...i dont want to make the same mistake twice, i`m sure
Mad wouldn`t... After about 20 min of extending, fast passes and
extending again, Mad forces me in a
loop-contest and ,lucky me, he dropes in a tail-spin, w/o a
chance to recover he goes down in a long dive...splash
2:0
Round 3:
Same planes again...a short fight, we start to loop after the
merge, and in the 3. loop, Mad goes over the thin line and stalls
at the highest point..i try to turn to finish him, but this
§&/%*#&%& crate doesn`t turn fast enough and Mad
recovers...dam..so we go on looping and again Mad stalls and
again! i dont manage to turn fast enough...but fair as he is ,
Mad gives me another try, he stalls a 3.time in a loop and this
time, i`m in a better
position and blast his plane to bits..
3:0
This has been the longest and hardest fight i can remember, don`t
take the result as a measure, it doesn`t match the fight.. Mad,
this fight was really worth waiting till now, you are a hell of a
pilot, thank you for a great fight and a lot of fun; i hope to
meet you again..
Salute!
Kendo's pilotlog entry:
Despite us having 8
times zones between us and an Ocean!! ggg
I drug my butt outta bed, and Bbird put on the sunglasses in his
sunny afternoon...and we
met up for FUN!!!
All Flights were Simm...
Round 1 Spit 9
As we merged I could see Bbird starting to make his move...I
immediately had to react
and reversed... to find myself in a tight Spin!! Obviously, I
have been flying Jet simms Too
much!! I thought I was dead for sure, but Bb musta been outta
posistion to take advantage.
As I recovered from the dive, I was able to lag pursue to a
firing posistion, pull abit of lead
and MISS!! hehehe
I sure could use some aiming lessons!!! Next thing I know,
another spin!!... again I
escape... I work around again, this time I get 1 or 2 hits.. and
another spin!! Now I am
really getting upset with myself!! Again, I slowly work to his 6
and just as I am about to
fire, Bbird fly's some very nice evasives.. Too nice in my
opinion I stall again, but quickly
recover.. this time Bbird is coming around hard and lead is
flying everywhere!!! A few
land, but much too my luck he stalls all the way down.. Whew!!!
Kendo 1 Bbird 0
Round 2 : Hurricane
We immediately start a 2 circle flight and I am quickly getting
the advantage..
Bbird starts them evasives again and I slowly loose my advantage.
I try not to spin this
time while following and slowly work back into posistion. This
time I get a few rounds into
him and we repeat this process over and over again! He Stalled in
one of his maneuvers
and I zoomed in to explode his engine and see the prop seize as I
go by!! Leveling off and
over flying him... I quickly see the folly of this mistake!! Here
comes the Lead!!! WOW! I
see tracers all around me, but luckily they miss!! I try to come
around to finish the job... (I
hate flying away while the other guy slowly dies, almost seems
unfair..) and Bbird is still
able to stay away from me!
Bbird manages to keep the glide up for quite awhile before
finally running outta Altitude.
Kendo 2 Bbird 0
Round 3 : Spit 1A
This one quickly turns into a vertical slashing fight! Up and
Around we go, the advantage
is not clear yet... After abit, I am working slowly to his 6.
This time though I tried a High
Deflection shot just as he was starting his moves. I got lucky
and seen smoke... another
pass and Boom..Fireball on the nose. I climbed (Remembering last
round ggg) and tried to
get around, before he crashed.. but he was gone..
Kendo 3 Bbird 0
The score really dont reflect the match results!! We had alot of
Fun twisting and turning.
And it coulda reversed easily a few times.
Bbird, You are a fine Pilot and Gentleman! I appreciate you
taking the time to play!! Enjoy
that nice weather, you lucky Canuck you hehehe
Look me up anytime and It would be a pleasure to fly again with
you!
From a Frosty Canuck to a warm Canuck...
Take-off, eh!!
No609_Shap's pilotlog entry:
Yeeehaaa!!! Sobody
please pinch me an tell me that I an not dreaming.
Round 1 , Wolf Spit 9 : Shap Spit 14
After merge I extend and pull up. I look back to see what Wolf is
up to. My heart beats
with exitment as I see that he has traped himself by going down
and thus giving me an
ultimate height advantage. I turn and dive down on him and even
have enough height to
turn another 180deg to get on his 6. I think at this poit he
realized his big mistake and
tries to out turm me, but it is to late I am allready in the
perfect position. Ratatata...His
engine starts to smoke and I pull away as not to mess up the
advantage I had. Now I have
all the time in the world to get him, so we turn a little and I
try not to get into his gunsight.
I get into a good position and let a few more bullets fly.
CRACK...his tail falls apart....
Wolf 0 : Shap 1
Round 2, Wolf Spit 14 : Shap Spit9
This time we swiched palnes. So now it is Wolf who extends. I do
not go down, but try to
follow him as best I can with my bird. He turns and at about
2800ft distance opens fire and
hits my engine. I try to stay up and give him a fight, but in the
end I hit the water.
Wolf 1 : Shap 1
Round 3, Wolf Bf 109 K4 : Shap Spit 14
It is a long fight, with Wolf doing the BnZ on me. But I do not
take up his offer to go H2H
and keep well away from those deadly nose mounted cannons. At one
stage I see a slight
possibility to get on his 6. Wolf is not quite far enough away
from me to turn and come
back. He pulls is bird up and I manage to stick on his 6. I get
his engine smoking, but he
was still alive and kicking. So I stay above him and try to get
on his 6 again without
crossing in front of him so that he could use those monster
cannons. Well, I did not succed
in shooting him down. In my attempt to get behind him he lost so
much energy that he
finally hit the drink.
Wolf 1 : Shap 2
Round 4, Wolf Spit 14 : Shap Spit 9
Another long fight but in the end Wolf shoots of my right Wing.
Wolf 2 : Shap 2
Round 5, Wolf Spit 9 : Shap Spit 14
Long fight number 3. In the end Wolf has used up all his ammo and
capitulates by leaving
the game. At first I cannont believe this and tell him that we
should rematch the last game.
But he says "No. It was his own fault that he used up all
his ammo and that it was only a
matter of time until he would have got shot down"
Wolf 2 : Shap 3
Grrr.... You can't do that to me and think you can get away with
it.
I want to fight....I still have a lot of bullets left and I
promise to give you each and every
one on our next encounter
S! Wolf, it was an honor and a pleasure to fly with you and I am
really looking forward to our
next match.
Shap out
No609_OzZiggy's pilotlog entry:
Story ..the return
Cavalier, out of breath, soot blackened, dirt caked, leaf
littered, and real angry watched as
the Storch came in for a shaky landing. This is it he thought,
they aint gonna send me to
that hell hole Stalag luft llv34, as he pulled out his service 45
and cocked it with grim
determination. Of all the rotten luck, the base engineers picked
this time to tune my
aircraft. He would have words to those brother RIP when and if he
got back. The kite
didn’t handle at all like it used too, and what the hell did
they do to that rudder!
The Fisler came to an abrupt halt as the pilot applied the brakes
too hard at high speed.
"Geeez", rumbled Cav, "I definitely aint being
taken prisoner by some dumb ass, trained as a
wet nurse, pilot like that."
With this, he took up a
firing position behind a clump of trees, glad that he took the
survival and evasion course Dr. Bones offered (the man had
experience after all).
"What the Helluhh….", The 45 slowly tumbled from
the his limp hand. Cav, opened mouthed
stared at the sight before him. The side entry door of the storch
flew open and out sprang
firt a heavily wooled sheep ..followed closely by a semi naked
German officer , wearing only
a his peaked cap, jackboots, boxer-shorts with a Luger belted at
his waist and an Australian
flag tied around his neck hanging down like a Superman cape.
“Coooooeeeeeeee!, G,day! Cav where the hell are ya!”
shouted Oz. “Whooooo Flossy take
it easy on the grass it’s a long way home”, he
cautioned
Cav stood up from his crouched position; who the flaming heck was
this guy. “Urggghhh
I’m over here and what’s it to you anyway”, said
Cav quickly scooping up the 45 and
pointing it at the strange thing in front of him.
“That’s a bloody marvellous way to treat your rescue
party mate!, Im OzZiggy of 609 sqn ,
attached temporarily to Special Operations Executive, military
number 5800877! And
cobber, you look like you could do with a ride home” the
last said with a sly grin.
"Whaaaaaaatttttt!" Drawled Cav.. "you kidding me
right?"
"Nahhh mate I was on me way back to Britain when I heard
that the famous Cav had been
downed, the airways are full of gabber about your position and
all that. But as I see it we
got a problem bloke."
"Huhhh", said Cav struggling to keep up with the
cascade of visual and verbal information.
"Well its like this", said Oz taking Cav by the arm and
gently removing the 45 , which he
then tossed over his shoulder. "The old kites pretty full up
, almost at its maximum weight ,
so ya gotta ditch everything that aint useful .. That stupid mae
west has gotta go for starters.
Cmon bloke we don’t have all day!."
Cav looked over Oz´s shoulder and into the storch..the thing was
packed full of crates of
Beer. “but why don’t we just dump some of those
crates?"..muttered Cav.
"WHAT! Are you off your rocker! that’s Agustiner
Bavarian beer man! Your lucky I don’t
shoot you on the spot for suggesting it ..now get those clothes
off!." Cav started to strip
hesitantly. Meanwhile Oz busied himself doing some algebra in the
sand.
“Cav?”, Oz looked up questioningly.
“Yeah Oz”, muttered Cav whilst dropping his favourite
flying jacket to the ground
"How much do you weigh?"
“About 80 kg, why? WuWu said I looked fit and trim the other
day..you trying to call me
fat?”
“Ummm gimme a sec mate..2x12 is…. ummmm ok got it. By
my weight and fuel
calculations we are going to have to drink 40 bottles of beer on
our way home or we will
end up in the channel. So cheers mate and lets get going” Oz
ripped open the door,
handed Cav a beer and climbed aboard, whistling to flossy who
promptly sprawled across
Cav,s semi naked lap in the passenger seat.
“Cant we at least ditch the sheep?", said Cav favouring
flossy with a distasteful grimace.
"Nope sorry mate that’s the RSMs pet sheep Flossy, she
was taken prisoner at Dunkirk ,
your not the only one I have rescued. Hand me a beer would you
,,and for gods sake man,
smile and Drink Up!."
“Bahhhhhhhhh bah!”
“Scuse me boss” said Reggie. Goshawk looked up briefly,
with a raised eyebrow from his
window view of nurse Wuwu´s fitness class.
"What, Reggie, you know I don’t like to be disturbed at
this time."
"Well sir, it’s the radio tent, Sir ..you better come
and hear this for yourself! .. It's getting real
crowded but you gotta do somthin boss.”
Gos sighed, he could never get Reggie to make sense when he was
like this. “Oh well, lets
go.”
Gos bustled his way through a crowd of pilots. “Haven’t
you guys got a war to fight or
something?", he yelled.
“Shhhhhh”, all the assembled pilots said in unison.
Now Gos could hear it, really loud and really bad singing
hammering out from the base RT
set. Whoever these “artists” were: they must be totally
stoned! Because no one could
fake drunken slurs like that.
"We are poorssss littzle sheeps dat hasssss lost our
wayssss”,
“bahhhhh bahhhh
bahhhhh”
Gos overheard Hangten say “how do they get that sheep sound
to be so realistic” With
that, Gos snatched up the Microphone. “Authorize! Who is
this and how did you get this
secure channel!”
“hehehehehehe its im ,,,nahh cant bez”, “lets us
talk to theessss RSMssss
Gossss”…”bahhhhhh!” with that Cav and Oz
broke into more song.
“My sergents major jumped from fifty thousands feet
…mysss sergents majors jumps from
fifty thousands feets…mys sergent majorz jumps from fifty
thousands feet… but he aint
gonna jumps no moooooreeeeee…....gorrrreyssss gorrrreys what
a hell of a ways to die
…gorey gorey what a hell of a ways to
die!”…….“bahhhhhh bahhhhh bahhhh!”
Theres that sheep again” muttered Hangten “they gotta
have a real sheep up there with
em, Id put money on it”
“Ok…whoever you guys are… this is the USAF and
this is a secure radio channel , so get
off it! ….we have sophisticated tracking equipment and can
pinpoint your location and send
the MPs over to get you if we have too”, shouted Gos down
the tube.
“tats greats Gos..its Cav here”, yelled Cav back down
the line, “cause Ozz´s crashed our
plane when we ran out of fuelsss, and Flossy has eaten the
mapbook ..cannns ya come and
picks usss up cause wezzz cant walk at all!”…Bahhhhhh!
The tent went silent. Gos stood up straigtened his tie “Ok
boys lets go find em”
S! all, I'm back!
No609_Beef's pilotlog entry:
SCENE 1:The Officer's
Mess
BEEF enters the Mess Hall and stops,seemingly looking for
somebody.He scans the
collection of ladder pilots grazing on the afternoon meal.His
head turns and stops.He
seems to focus on a group of jocks in the corner who are eating
and making enough noise
to drown everyone else out.BEEF gets a determined look on his
face as he makes a
deliberate bee-line towards them bumping into several people
(almost sending Spectre's
tray of raw fish flying)and stops just short of the
gathering."Yeah..and that BEEF guy I
challenged..I'm gonna turn him into roadkill!!..Sorta like this
hamburger I'm eating!"A
chorus of laughter was followed by a deathly silence through the
entire hall."You must be
Kendo"says BEEF."Uh..yeah.Can I ask
who..""What you eating there?Hamburgers?What
kind of hamburgers?"BEEF interupts."Uh..Big Kahuna
Burgers.."says Kendo."That's
that Hawian joint down the street right?You mind if I have a
bite?"asks BEEF as he grabs
Kendo's half eaten sandwich and shoves it whole into his
mouth."MMmmm!This is a tasty
burger!You're lucky.I can't usually get em cause my girlfriend's
a vegetarian..which pretty
much makes me a vegetarian.You know what they call a 1/4 Pounder
with Cheese on the
other side of the Channel?"asks
BEEF."Um..no.."says Kendo."A Royal with Cheese.You
know why they call it that?"asks BEEF."Um..because of
the metric system?"replies
Kendo.BEEF gawks.."Check out the big brain on Kendo!You're
one smart
Motherf#@$%& that's right!What's in this?"BEEF asks as
he picks up Kendo's near full
glass of beer."Uh..Guinness.""Guinness?Thats
good.You mind if I have some of your tasty
beverage to wash this down?"BEEF asks while still
half-chewing.BEEF tilts the glass and
in one long chugg he empties it and puts it on the lunch
table."BrrAAAAAAPP!That hit
the spot!..You read the Bible Kendo?"BEEF asks as his eyes
become cold and
shark-like."Cause I got this passage memorized that sorta
fits this occasion.Ezekiel
25:17.The path of the ritious man is beset on all sides by the
inequaties of the selfish and
the tyranny.Blessed is he,who in the name of charity sheppards
the weak through the
Valley of darkness,for he is truly his brother's keeper and the
finder of lost children.And I
will strike down with great vengance and furious anger,those who
attemtp to poison and
destroy my brothers.And you will know my name is the Lord,when I
lay my vengance upon
the!!!"BEEF says as he reaches inside his bomber jacket for
a bulging object that Kendo
had noticed only a few moments
before."AAaahhhh!"screamed Kendo as he made a dash
for the door,knocking over chairs and bowling over Spectre who
had stopped to watch the
commotion."Jeeze,I was only going to offer him a
cigar..."BEEF says as he bites off the tip
and lights a big Cubana.
SCENE 2:The P38
Kendo and BEEF sat in their respective planes,engines idling.The
word "GO!" was given
and off they went in a cloud if smoke and noise.They merged at
9,000ft and both went
verticle,flapping and turning until Kendo landed on BEEF's six.He
let go a volley of
canons/mg that blew one of BEEF's engines and smoked the
other.BEEF went into a
spectacular spiral death dive and bailed after his second engine
gave up the ghost.
SCENE 3:The XO's Office
"BEEF!What you doing letting that Kendo guy shoot you up
like that?"says XO."Well
uh..""How many planes you gonna waste until you learn
how to turn fight?"XO
interupts."Well,he was flying circles around me
and..""No BEEF..B&Z,B&Z..angles and
patience!How do you think you got those gongs I pinned on
ya?"says boss."Well ok.I'll go
back to basics then.But I need some Asprin cause my head
hurts."says BEEF."That pain
in your head BEEF,that's pride messing with ya.F&%k
pride!When you're at the top and
kicking it back in the Carribean with the lovely Koko,you'll
think back and say your XO
was right!"."Well can you give me your best plane for
my next round?"asks BEEF."Well,I
don't know.."says boss."Come on..I want to hear you're
on the Motherf@#ker and you're
sending the best you got!"proclaims BEEF."I'm on the
Motherf@#ker and I'm sending
The Wolf."says boss."You sending the Wolf?"asks
BEEF."Yeah,you feel better now
Pancho?"says boss."Yeah man.That's all you has to
say!"says BEEF as he marches out the
office door.
SCENE 4:The FW190
Kendo and BEEF once again line up on the runway.They exchange
salutes with Kendo's
being the one-fingered variety.The word "Go!" is given
and away they went.Meeting again
at 9,000 ft,they merge with BEEF letting fly some cannons but
missing.They both go
verticle and after several loops Kendo again seems to be getting
the jump on BEEF.After
a couple of oblique turns,BEEF comes over the top and notices
Kendo a little flat on his
turn.He lets the guns blaze at the small window of opprotunity
and scores with a hit to the
engine.BEEF breaks off the access the situation and notices Kendo
smoking and losing
speed.Kendo fires his guns in a come and get me taunt and BEEF
obliges with a swooping
kill shot.He watches Kendo's wing come off just after he bailed
safely,using the moment to
take a screen-shot.
SCENE 4:The Latrine
BEEF walks in to wash his sweat soaked face."Well I showed
him who's boss..hehe"BEEF
mumbles to himself."BEEF!you double talkin'pork rind!I told
you not to turn fight!"says
the familiar voice from behind him.BEEF looks in the mirror and
recognizes the spit
polished boots sticking out fron the stall."I give you my
best plane and you almost wasted
it!"says boss."Well I got...""You got lucky
BEEF!"says boss"Well what can I do?He
always goes nose down and gets the advantage on me at the
merge"says
BEEF."Hmm..Ok,try this.When you hear "Go!",hit
full flap,split-S and climb away 180 deg
from him.If he goes for it,he'll think you're going nose down in
the distance for the merge
and will lose a good deal of "E" matching your
manouver."says boss."Ok Chief if you think
that'll work""BEEF,when I'm finished with you,you'll be
eating danger and crapping
victory!Now get going before I.."BEEF splits before XO gets
to the details.
SCENE 5:The Spitfire 1A
No salutes this time as they rip-roar into the air to the tune of
those lovely Merlins.The
"Go!" is given and BEEF pulls a split-s and watches
Kendo dive in his rear veiw
mirror.BEEF still climbing away waits for Kendo's E-state to
level and he slowly turns
back to notice a 5K alt advantage.BEEF slowly moves in a swooping
position and gets the
shot off smoking Kendo.But Kendo had timed his verical just right
and smoked BEEF.But
BEEF had some E to play with and gets the kill shot as Kendo's
nose goes down.
SCENE 6:The Spitfire 1A
With no time to check back with his XO,BEEF and Kendo take to the
air once again.After
the said"GO!",they approach headon with Kendo doing a
slight deke in the distance and
not nosing down.BEEF puts the nose down right away and levels as
thay approach.BEEF
pulls up early as he notices Kendo is above and going for the
dreaded tail chop.He pulls
hard and can't believe his eyes when he has Kendo in his
sights.He lets em fly and lands a
killer deflection shot."Horrido!"says BEEF as he bites
the end off and lights another
Cubana.
SCENE 7:The Pub
Kendo and BEEF are sitting at a table littered with empty
pitchers of
Guinness."Well,Kendo.I gotta say..you's a swell guy to drink
with.I hope you not take all
that posturing of mine to heart?I just get that way when I face a
formidable turn pilot."says
a slurring BEEF."Aw shucks BEEF,it's all in good
fun!Besides,I didn't think you would
see the one-fingered salute with all that cigar smoke in your
cockpit"says Kendo to a
round of bar laughter."Well,I gotta go now.Got to get up
early tomorrow for mess hall
duty.Seems that Spectre guy got me put on defaulters for knocking
his over his
sushi."says Kendo."Hey,how did you get that BEEF name
anyhow?Your mother a cow or
something?"BEEF's face goes pale at the joke about his
mother."Well,I hope you're not
driving back to the barracks,you'd be better to get a
lift."says a concerned BEEF."No
problem,this guy is gonna give me a ride back on his
chopper."says Kendo"Ok,Zed.I'm
ready.Lets hit the road!"says Kendo to the mysterious biker.