************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
No609_OzZiggy announces his return to the ladder:
notice of
return ..expect me back in two weeks
now eating the code books and trying to recall where i buried the
ellis raft and paddels
S!
Sgt.Major's response:
"YOU
ORRIBLE LITTLE MAN!. TWO BLOODY WEEKS!. YOU BETTER NOT BE
SWINGING THE LEAD!. IF I FIND OUT YOUR SHACKED UP WITH SOME
SLAPPER I'LL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND BEAT YOU WITH THE WET ENDS!.
AND ANOTHER THING!. DON'T YOU BLEEDIN' TURN UP ON MY BASE LOOKING
LIKE SOMEFING THE CAT SHAGGED!."
"I WANT TO SEE YOUR BRASS GLOWING LIKE THE STAR OVER KING SOLOMON'S TEMPLE AND YOUR BOOT'S REFLECTING YOUR PEARL WHITES.
IF NOT, I'LL CUT YOUR BALL'S OFF AND SEND EM TO HERR HITLER TO
REPLACE THE ONE HE LOST! "
"SHAKE A LEG AND HOP TO IT!."
Sgt. Major Burnesley Ulysses
MacCulloughy
(1911 file photo)
A bit o' hist'ry:
Early morning, somewhere in the English countryside, 1940:
.....The
seagulls were finally quiet, and all activity had ceased for the
day. Even Sgt.Major Burnesley Ulysses MacCulloughy had passed
from conscious awareness (although the enlisted personnel under
his purview believed he NEVER slept).
His demeanor toward officers and contemporaries made him a
challenge for commanders. As such, he was the object of numerous
transfers for temporary duty at a variety of stations.
He had served initially with the famed Gordon Highlanders during
their transition into the plains of India shortly after the '20's
uprising until an ill-timed row with a young officer resulted in
his transfer to a Brittish contingency in a remote Pacific island
off the coast of Australia.
His difficulties with the "wankers" and
"tossers" (as he called the officers) grew in
proportion to the rank and status he achieved as a hard-driving,
no-nonsense enlisted man, under the supervision of an intimidated
weak-minded commanding officer at the island's outpost. His brief
encounter with a native woman on a beach while in a drunken
stupor would ultimately result in the birth of a daughter who he
would only begin to know during the next 5 years at that island.
But she would become familiar with the ravings of this man before
his untimely transfer back to England for an assignment with a
young and growing RAF outfit. This, however, did not occur before
he was able to intimidate his commander into promotion after
promotion.
The "wanker" he was most recently peeved at was the one
called "Goshawk". Damage incurred on a couple Hurricane
fighters the previous day had caused grief and inconvenience to
the Sgt.Major, having to fill in
briefly for an ill fitter. A quick visit to the sick-tent
resulted in the fitter rushing back to the hangar (now more
terrified than ill) but not before the Sgt.Major had to make
contact with the "bloody wanker".
As a result, his day had gone from bad to worse!! He hoped that
the upstart "fly-boy" officer would have a tortured
night's sleep as a result!......
************** More about the Sgt. Major **************
...The mist was heavy and dank and it brought a chill that would
dampen the most ebullient of hearts. If you were a thousand feet in
the air you would see the starry sky gracefully surrendering to
the dawn. Quonset huts littered the fields surrounding the
runways, and all but one had coal smoke billowing out the metal
chimney. The Sergeant-Major, an old India-based veteran stalked towards
the hut a cloud furrowing his brow. Many a sepoy had quailed at
the sight of that stern forbidding forehead, those unwholesome
beady eyes, and that carefully trimmed yet ratty mustache. He
parade marched to the door and began to pound with a vengeance
that many have read about but very rarely heard. The din was
terrific. Those in the other huts awoke with a start and then a
slow grin spread across their sleep fogged faces; " Thank
God! He's off somewhere else this morning."
They gratefully began to get up, knowing a cup of hot tea awaited them, not the ire of that dreaded noncom.....
************** More about the Sgt. Major ***************
.....Upon
checking in at base for the next round's planes, Goshawk was
accosted by the Sgt.Major. "Jewst wat th' 'ell you think
yew'ah doin' thayuh, suh, wit moy Spit?"
"Gonna take her up for a row with Enforcer, "SM",
hope you don't mind!", came the officer's reply.
"Yah brrrouwt tha' 'urri ba' ah full o' 'oles, ya did,
sah!", spat the crusty old warrior. His attitude to officers
was not sweetened at all by the years he spent with the Gordon
Highlander's regiment in India. He especially took a dislike to
these Yank "fly-boys" and their seemingly unending lust
for the women.. Sgt. Major MacColloughy stared fixedly at the
middle of Goshawk's back as the pilot turned and walked to a Spit
IX parked nearby.
"Fu'in wankerrr!! I'm knackered from fix'n that bloke's
planes, I yam!", he whispered as he turned back to the
hangar.
(1940 file photo)
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Grey Wolf returns from vacation:
Well guys the Hawaiian Islands was wonderful at Christmas Time. But, the R & R is over and it's back to the grinder.
Sgt.Major's response:
"What the ell are you doing you
oribbile little man!. GET YOUR KIT, and get in that plane or I'll
shuve my drill stick so far up your ass you'll be tasting silver
for a month! What do you think this is a bloody holiday camp!.
MOVE IT!".
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Wolf gets "gonged" and sprogged with his new officer's uniform:
For his dedication and selfless
service to the pilots and officers of the European Air War
Challenge Ladder, Flying Officer Jim "Wolf" Farmer
distinguished himself by volunteering to place himself in harms
way repeatedly
during the tournament phase of this ladder's development. Flying
Officer Wolf's tireless dedication (both day and night)to the
officers and men of the ladder is a reflection of the highest
standards of the Air Corps. For his service, Flying Oficer Jim
"Wolf" Farmer has been awarded the Air Medal!!
[SALUTE]
Sgt.Major's response:
"Well done sir".. pauses... "I'm proud of you, pauses again, smiles then shouts.
" NOW GET BACK IN THAT BLOODY PLANE,
just because His Majesty gave you a bloody gong don't mean you
can lolly gag about sipping your ruddy tea with your little
finger in the fu 'ing air, MOVE IT, MOVE IT".
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Goshawk's appreciation response to words of praise: I can't tell ya how nice they are to hear. I see the Sgt. Major coming, so I better bug out and get back to work!
Sgt.Major's response:
"Now I've wiped the bleedin tear out
of my eye, GET BACK TO WORK! WHAT DO YOU BLOODY WELL WANT, A
FU'ING HERO BISCUIT?. MOVE."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Upon Yentyl's return from
Mallory's 12 group:
We are proud, honored, and distinguished to have F/Lt. Yentl
return to our fold from Mallory's 12 Group. He killed lotsa birds
there, I'm told. The local constables in that area are lookin'
for him, however.
Seems seagulls are protected up there. Welcome back, Yentl!!
Sgt.Major's response:
"Now
that your little excursion to Buttlin's Holiday Camp is over, YOU
CAN GET BACK IN THAT BLEEDIN PLANE BEFORE I SKIN YOU ALIVE AND
HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS!. WHY ARE YOU STILL ERE YOU ORIBBLE
LITTLE MAN...MOVE!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
To Ninja's promotion:
Congratulations are in order for another of our finest fighter pilots! Ninja has distinguished himself by winning 5 matches, and as such has been awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross, and received a promotion to Captain.
Sgt.Major's response:
"Fine bloke you could take
to the boozer one day, THEN A BLEEDIN RUPERT THE NEXT! I JUST
DON'T BLOODY KNOW ANYMORE!. Pitty!. He had such promise too!.
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
MadDog's post of loss in a match:
First round was in the Bf109E4,
2nd round in the P47D, and 3rd round in the P51D. MadDog claimed
no victories.
Freaky is the better pilot -- for now. MadDog's gonna crawl back
to the den and do his homework/practice.
Until next time! MadDog Out
Sgt.Major's response:
"If my bleedin dad would
have crawled back into his box in 1914 when he got shot in the
ass, were the bleedin ell would we be now?. STONE THE BLOODY
CROWS!."Stop sniffing cause you lost THREE OF MY
BLEEDIN PLANES and get back in the bloody cockpit!. The way I
'ave it reckoned you owe me six years wages. Now if ya got the
mind to do some learning contact the head rupert, Goshawk who
will refer you to training wing!.
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Xsplat
gets a promotion:
Xsplat has joined the dubious ranks of the EAW ladder
"Aces," by achieving 5 match victories. As such, he has
also been promoted to the rank of Captain. He has been awarded
the Distinguished Flying Cross for his outstanding efforts!
Congratulations Xsplat!
Sgt.Major's response:
"CORE BLIMEY, HOW
MANY BLEEDIN RUPERTS WE GONNA GET AROUN ERE?""Pretty soon, I won't be able to
roll me bleedin socks down wiv out hitting one!.. LOOKS VERY NICE
IT DOES!.. NOW GET TO BLOODY WORK!. PLANES DON"T BLEEDIN
WELL FALL OUT THE SKY!. YOU HAV TO SODIN WELL SHOOT EM FIRST!. SO
WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING ERE LOOKING LIKE YOU JUST DID VERA
LYNN?. HOP TO IT LAD, HOP TO IT!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Starwolf's dilemna:
Hi Gos and guys !! As you might remember my monitor burned out a
week ago. My hopes of getting a new
monitor this weekend were dashed by life's cruel, unforgiving
circumstances !! Since it will be at least 2 or 3 weeks until I
can get back to Britain with the help of the French resistance
(i.e. get a new monitor) I request a VOID of my match with U6 and
request to be put in an indefinite PASS status for now.
Hope to be back, though I fear it wont be quick. Wish me luck !!
Starwolf........lone wolf once again...
Sgt.Major's response:
Don't give me that load of old
cock and bull!. Your shacked up with some french tart!. You got 7
BLEEDIN DAYS TO GET BACK TO BASE OR I'M CHARGING YOU WITH
AWOL!... SHAG AND GET BACK ERE NOW!.
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Clutter returns to ladder:
I'm back and ready to add to the junk heap!!
Sgt.Major's response:
"STAND STILL THAT
MAN!!" "YOU ORRIBLE LITTLE MAN YOU!. YOU'RE
NOT BLEEDIN FIT TO WEAR THAT UNIFORM. OW DARE YOU!! IF I EVER
'ERE YOU CALL MY PLANES THAT AGAIN, I WILL STUFF MY DRILL STICK
SO FAR UP YOUR BACKSIDE YOU'LL TASTE SILVER FOR A BLOODY MONTH!!
NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
"AND PUT SOME BLOODY POLISH ON THOSE THINGS YOU CALL BOOTS!!"
******A bit more history:
........As they began their ritual, a distant shouting from the Sgt.Major was heard. The voice of the "old crust" gained in volume, and Goshawk noticed that Koko's reactions to the passion were somewhat reduced by the growing volume of the Sgt.Major's words.
As the voice became clearer, Koko stopped her movements. The Sgt.Major crossed behind the Quonset hut, swearing about his typical complaint. Koko's eyes took on a dazed expression as if in recognition of something from very far away and so long ago. She stopped kissing Goshawk, and turned her head to the sound coming through the wall. A long-lost reaction to stop listening to these somewhat familiar words suddenly gripped her, and yet her ears were peaked to hear them. A rush of excitement passed over her, making her nipples stand erect. Goshawk, as usual, misinterpreted the physiological change as a signal of passion and reached for her
"Bleedin Yank been 'ere five minutes and thinks 'e's saved the ole bloody country! WHAT A RUPERT!!", griped Sgt. Major MacCulloughy.
Koko sprang upright on the cot, her total attention now focused on the voice. "Rupert??", she whispered.
"It's nothing, Ko," hushed Goshawk, trying to re-interest her in the activity. "Just the SM." he added.
"I've heard some bloody shit in my bleedin time, but that wanker takes the cake! WHAT A LOAD OF OLE COBBLERS!!" The Sgt.Major stopped and shook his head side to side. He plugged a fag into his mouth and lit it. He began walking again to his hut, still carrying on his vociferous tirade. "Somebody should give him a bloody good hiding just like I gave that tosser on that boil on that ass of the world, Coconut strip.".....
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Goshawk posts a victory post:
Gos pins a kitty!!
Sgt.Major's response:
"DON'T
GET TOO SMUG MY SON!"
"YOU HAD HORSE SHOES UP YOUR CAVITY THIS TIME LAD. BUT DON'T
GET TOO COCKEY!. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S WAITING FOR YOUR ASS ROUND
THE RUDDY CORNER!"
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Yentl get promoted and gonged:
Yentl has attained the dubious goal of "Ace" pilot by downing Enforcer in a recent match. As such, he has been promoted to the rank of Captain, and awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross.
Sgt.Major's response:
"ANOTHER RUPERT!!"
"I'LL PUT YOU RIGHT
STRAIGHT FROM THE START SUNSHINE!. YOUR STILL BUGGER ALL IN MY
EYE'S UNTIL YOU DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME PROUD. SO STOP GIVIN
YOURSELF THE EYE IN THE MIRROR, AND GRAB AN ASS FULL OF SEAT AS
YOU SPEED MY SPIT INTO THE AIR."
"MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Ninja awarded with Military Cross:
For his
service with the Royal Air Force in battle against common foes of
allied forces in defense of Britain, the
British Government has awarded the Military Cross to Capt.
"Ninja".
Sgt.Major's response:
"More
bloody gongs!"
"SODDIN
ELL PERHAPS THERE BE GIVIN ME ONE FOR ROLLIN ME BLOODY TROUSERS
DOWN IN THE BOG NEXT!"
"Well, well done lad. Keep up the good work. At least you
earned it!! Now get back to bloody work!!"
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Taipan awarded the Joint Services Commendation Medal:
For his
dedication and devotion to duty, in the face of danger and
discovery, Flt. Officer "Taipan" has been awarded the
Joint Services Commendation Medal.
Details of his endeavors cannot be disclosed, however, his
courage in performing his voluntary extracuricular duties have
contributed to the welfare of all pilots now fighting in defense
of "Koko", and the British government.
Sgt.Major's response:
"SOD ME!! Regular little Intrepid aren't we? Some snot nosed cobblers no doubt! Looks bloody nice. I'll see you in my office. I want bloody details rupert!!"
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Starwolf returns from "Missing In Action":
After a
long ordeal behind enemy lines which culminated in my being
rescued at sea by Solar Arrow ( more details on that story later
! ), I am now back in good ole' Great Britain and ready to face,
first of all SgtMajor MacCulloughy and then all of you !!!!!
Put me back on the flight line as I am ready to continue the
defense of the British Isles !!
Sgt.Major's response:
"WIPE
THAT BLOODY SMILE OFF YOUR FACE YOU ORRIBILE LITTLE
MAN!. YOU SMELL LIKE A FRENCH SLAPPER AND LOOK LIKE YOU CRAWLED
OUT OF A SLAG HEAP!. IF I DID'NT 'AVE A MEETING WITH Mr.
CHURCHILL IN TEN MINUTES, I'D BE MARCHING YOU UP TO THE HEAD SHED
ON CHARGES!.
AS IT IS YOU JUST EARNED TWO WEEKS EXTRA'S, YOU CAN START BY
SPIT-SHINNING EVERY PLANE ON THE LINE!. AND WHEN THAT'S DONE
YOU CAN PICK UP EVERY FAG END ON THE LINE!. CONSIDER YOURSELF ON
REPORT!."
"NOW GET
OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS AND SHOVE MY
BOOT UP YOUR RSE .....MOOOOOOVVVEEEEE!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Sabre get's promoted and receives his "Ace" status along with DFC:
Congratulations,
Sabre, you have achieved "Ace" status and have been
promoted to Capt.
Keep up the good work!
"Goshawk"
Sabre responds to the recognition:
Gosh..my
goggles are fogging up guys...well thanx Goshawk and Roadrunner.
Thanx for all the pointers Goshawk and Road-runner thanx for
flyin with me and being a great sport by sacrificing your planes
for my advancement.
Salute to ya both!!!!May your feathers be bullet proof and let
your claws always find there mark.
Also RoadRunner call ACME see what they can do about a certain
Coyote (Canis Majorus Ferocious Rapacious Undefeatious).
Sgt.Major's response:
"WHAT'S
THE BLOODY MATTER, YOU WANT YOUR MUM TO WIPE YOUR BLOODY
NOSE?."
"Listen to me little
man!. Just because you've got a little bit of metal attached to
your little frame don't think for one bleedin minute your the
lord almighty himself!. Some nasty little kraut is going to
hammer your ass into the pond if you get too cocky sunshine!.
Congratulations son, just remember about the hun in the sun!. NOW
GET BACK TO
BLOODY WORK YOU ORRIBILE LITTLE MAN!."
Sabre responds to Solar Arrow's warning about the SM:
Yea well
thanks for the info..I didnt know what this guys problem was..
never heard of him.. looked for him on the ladder list..he's not
there. I think, "what balls"... then at top of roster
page I see it.. damn, I was hoping it was far enough down no one
would see it. Fighting with a Imaginary person (I think people
have gotten thrown into
one of those places where everyone smiles for less).
Sgt.Major's response:
"YOU ORRIBBILE LITTLE MAN! YOU JUST MADE MY BLACK BOOK!."
Solar Arrow questions the SM's terminology in time of war:
Sgt. Har Har, Shouldn't it be "black list"?
"Black books" is where you keep telephone #'s from babes!!! (unless you want to date Sabre) Har Har!!
Sgt.Major's response:
"COME
ERE!."
"CONGRATULATIONS
SLUG!. YOU JUST EARNED TWO WEEKS EXTRA'S AND YOU CAN START BY
TAKING A TOOTH BRUSH AND SCRUBBING OUT THE OUT HOUSE!."
"ONE MORE BIT OF LIP FROM YA AND I'LL HAVE YA GROUNDED THEN I'LL DRAG WHAT'S LEFT OF YA UP IN FRONT OF THE HEAD SHED GOT IT!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Goshawk and Starwolf gain Ace status and awarded promotion and DFC's:
Congratulations
to Goshawk and Starwolf. These officers have distinguished
themselves and their service by achieving 5 aerial match
victories. As such, they have been awarded the DFC. For
recognition of their efforts in defense of the British Empire in
their service to the RAF, the King has also awarded them the
Military Cross. They have been promoted to Flight Lieutenant!
"That is all!"
Sgt.Major's response:
"What's the
matter with ya?. Cat got your bleedin tounge?. ALL A TIVER CAUSE
YOU GOT A PRETTY BIT OF TIN?. I suppose you'd like a pat on the
back and a hero biscuit. WELL HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU!. YOU LOOK
LIKE A PAIR OF SLAPPERS!. WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS ON YOUR
BLOODY
FEET, CERTAINLY NOT BOOTS. AND THOSE SODDIN RAGS YOU MIGHT THINK
OF CALLING UNIFORMS ARE A BLOODY EYESORE!. "
"GET YOU BLOODY ARSES IN GEAR, PUT SOME POLISH ON THOSE
ABOMINATIONS AND PUT SOME ELBOW GREASE INTO SHARPENING THOSE
BLUES UP OR YOU'LL BOTH BE IN THE CLANKER BEFORE YA FEET TOUCH
THE DAMN GROUND!. MOVE!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
RoadRunner makes Ace and gets gonged!
Congratulations
RoadRunner. For your prowess with the stick, you have been
promoted to the rank of Flight Lieutenant. You have been awarded
the DFC as well as the Military Cross from the RAF. Well done!!
Now, the only beef I have is that Koko has heard the news and
dropped me midstride! This cannot be tolerated! There must be a
way for her to be convinced that you are merely mortal, and that
your aforementioned
prowess does not have to extend beyond the cockpit! Uh, then
again, maybe that's the real problem! gggg
Congratulations, Ace!
Sgt.Major's response:
"COME ERE LITTLE MAN!."
"Let
me enlighten you on somefing sunshine. Just because some other
rupert finks ya the almighty and slobbers all over ya don't mean
ya can run around like JC himself!. There is
only one god.
ME!. AND
DON'T EVER FORGET IT!. One wave of me magic stick, and puff... ya
a bleedin shit ouse attendant before ya can say Gremlin!."
"Still, ya did well, so well done. But don't bleedin sneeze
the wrong way or I'll ave ya arse
swinging in the wind!. NOW SOD OFF!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Windigo loses his 9th plane:
Great
Googley Moogely!!!! The Sgt. Major is gonna be ticked at me. I've
lost so many planes he is gonna kill me!!!! Goshawk , Beaker ,
U6, Maddog the first,,,, someone help me!!! (Anyone but Koko that
is ) For the love of God hide me quick before the SM finds me!!!
Sgt.Major's response:
"LISTEN UP RAT FACE!."
"LOSE
ANY MORE OF MY LOVELY PLANES AND YOU'LL BE SCRUBBING OUT THE
SHITE 'OUSE FOR A MONTH. AND PUT SOME POLISH ON THOSE BOOTS. THEY
LOOK LIKE YOU JUST CAME FROM THE SHITE 'OUSE AND MISSED THE
BOWL!."
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT LITTLE MAN!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
U6 gets promoted and gonged!:
Congratulations are in order for
our newest Ace pilot. U6 has achieved 5 match victories. He has
been awarded
the DFC, and has been promoted to the rank of Captain.
This lofty rank, however, does not authorize him the use of the
Sgt. Major's outhouse. Officers are still required to use the
regular base facilities.
You will know when you're in the Sgt.Major's shit house! Let's
not dally about here on the field to long, boys!
That is all!
Sgt.Major's response:
"SO WE AVOIDED THE SHAFT DID WE!.?"
"WELL, WELL LITTLE
MAN, SO YOUR THE BIG TOUGH ACE. OHHHHHHH.
LISTEN UP ACE. UNTIL I SAY YOUR SOMEFING, YOUR A NOTFING. IN FACT
YOU REMIND ME OF SOMEFING EXTEREMLY NASTY I STEP IN IN THE
STREET. SO DON'T GET COCKY AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK OR I'LL
WIPE IT OFF YOUR FACE. NEXT TIME THE OTHER BLOKE MIGHT NOT BE A
MONKEY, HE MIGHT BE A TIGER AND AVE YOU FOR LUNCH. REMEMBER THAT
TWINKLE TOES!."
"NOW SOD OFF AND GET TO WORK LITTLE MAN!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Wolf gets promoted and gonged!:
Wolf has made it to be the
newest Ace pilot. As such, he has been awarded the DFC, and
Military Cross. He has
also been promoted to Flt. Lt., and caught lacking about showing
the precious shiny things to other lack-about pilots. As such,
Flt.Lt. Wolf has made it to the Sgt. Major's shithouse (again).
It is recommended that officers
bear him a wide girth when passing within nostril-distance for a
spell. "Congratulations", and tough luck all in one
post!
:-)
Sgt.Major's response:
"WELL WELL LITTLE
MAN, ALL I CAN SAY IS BLOODY HORSE SHOES!. THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT
TUCKED UP YOUR ARSE!. A CLEAN SWEEP!.
I'M APPY ABOUT THAT I AM, CAUSE IT MEANS I STILL GOT MOST OF MY
PLANES!."
"BUT THAT DON'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO WALK
AROUND ON MY BASE WITH YA ZIPPER UNDUN, SHITE ON YOUR BLUES AND
CHRIST KNOWS WHAT ON THOSE ABOMINATIONS YOU MAY CALL BOOTS."
"YOU GOT TEN MINUTES TO CLEAN, SHINE, PRESS AND LOOK LIKE A
PILOT BEFORE I INSPECT, CAUSE NO DOUBT A CHIEF RUPERT WILL BE
ALONG SHORTLY TO GIVE YOU A WARM SLOPPY KISS AND A BLEEDIN HERO
BISCUIT!. NOW MOVE BEFORE YOU TASTE SILVER FROM YOUR
ARSE!..."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Mamo gets sprogged and his first match victory.
Sgt.Major's response:
"SOD
ME!." "BEFORE YOU KNOW
IT WE'LL BE GIVIN BLEEDIN COMMISSIONS TO THE BLOODY PIGEONS!!.
THEY'LL GIVE ANYONE A BLOODY MEDAL THESE DAYS THEY WILL!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Ninja expresses his appreciation for all the kindly words of his contemporaries:
FOR THE GUYS THAT I ICQ/AND MESSAGE BOARD... THANKS FOR THE SWEET CONGRATS.. I LOVE YOU GUYS :).... AT THIS POINT I'LL LOSE MY SPOT FOR ALL OF YA. YOU GUYS ARE JUST TOO KIND!!! ... Sniff Sniff..
Sgt.Major's response:
"WHAT KIND OF A MAN ARE YOU ANYWAY DANCING
WITH ANOTHER BLOKE. AND WHAT THE ELL ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT. WIPE
YOU BLEEDIN NOSE BEFORE I KNOCK IT OFF YOUR FACE.
THERE'S NO QUEEN'S RULES ERE LITTLE MAN!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
MadDog is awarded a Legendary Wings plaque
MadDog responds to the award:
It is with
great honor and a deep sense of humility that I accept this
acknowlegement. I will enjoy it for a brief time until Kendo
deprives me of it in the near future!
Only one problem: I'm allergic to feathers. So thank you, but the
feather mattress will not be necessary!! And no offense to the
fair K&K girls, but I'm pining away for my betrothed whom
I've left behind in the states (probably boinking the mailman as
we speak!) My free booze of choice is Mt. Gay Extra Old . . . so,
kindly make sure the OC is appropriately stocked. (There goes the
"deep sense of humility!")
Tongue-in-Cheek, as usual . . .
MadDog Out
Sgt.Major's response:
"COME ERE SNOT NOSE!!"
"FIRST OF ALL THE OFFICER COMMANDING DON'T
BOW DOWN TO SNOT NOSED RUPERTS AND PROVIDE BEER JUST CAUSE YOU
DID YOUR SODDIN JOB. SECOND OF ALL, YOU PILE OF DOG SHITE YOU'RE
BOOTS LOOK LIKE THE CAT JUST JUMPED EM. SO BEFORE WE GET OUR
NOGGIN SO BIG IT WONT FIT THRU THE BLOODY DOOR GET SOME BLOODY
POLISH ON THOSE THINGS YOU CALL BOOTS AND WIPE THAT BLOODY
SLOBBER OFF OF YOUR TUNIC RUPERT!."
"MOVE!."
Goshawk announces promotion:
"Gentlemen,
I just received orders from the Air Command. Effective
immediately, our
Sgt.Major MacCulloughy has been promoted at the rank of Air
Command Sgt.
Major."
"AIR Bloody COMMAND Bleedin' SGT.MAJOR! Jeeezus H, men. Do
you know
what this means? DO YOU HAVE ANY BLEEDIN' IDEA WHAT THIS
MEANS???"
[Goshawk
drops into his chair, dropping his head to his hands, rocking his
head back
and forth]
"What this means, gentlemen, is that our "beloved"
SGT. MAJOR will now have
more power than bleedin JEEZUS H, that's what it means!!"
"IT MEANS, GENTLEMEN, THAT THE BUGGER'LL HAVE MORE
AUTHORITY HERE THAN I DO!! HELL, HE'LL HAVE MORE AUTHORITY
THAN KOKO IN A VICTORY ROLL, HE WILL!!!"
[Goshawk flung the sheet of paper up into the air, dropped his
head to his hands
again and continued rocking his head back and forth. The pain was
starting, way
back in the temples. It was small now, but it would grow. OH HOW
THE PAIN
WOULD GROW]
Dismissed, gentlemen.
Effective immediately, the Sgt.Major has been promoted to the rank of Air Command Sgt. Major.,
by order of his Majesty.
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Greenbird_214th gets promoted and a medal for attaining Ace status.
Sgt. Major's response:
"YOU SLACK AND
IDLE LITTLE MAN!."
"YOU'RE
A BLOODY DISGRACE!. LOOK AT YOU!. I'VE SEEN BOG PAPER BETTER
LOOKING THAN YOU!. You have just five minutes to get polish on
those things on your feet and drag an iron over the uniform, then
report to the
briefing room. AND IF YOU'RE NOT THERE WITH THE REST OF THE SLUGS
I'LL LOCK YOU UP AND THROW AWAY THE BLEEDIN KEY!. NOW
MOVE!."
AirCommandSgt.Major MacCulloughy summons the base personnel:
"ON
YOU'RE BLOODY FEET, LOW LIFES!"
"RIGHT!. STEADY UP!."
"THIS BASE IS THE WORST DISCIPLINE PROBLEM
IN AIR COMMAND!. "
"THAT, GENTLEMAN, AND I USE THAT TERM LOOSELY, IS GOING TO
CHANGE AS OF RIGHT NOW!."
"FROM THIS MOMENT IN TIME YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS SIR!.
I AM THE MOST POWERFUL HUMAN BEING IN YOUR UNIVERSE!.
I CAN SHOOT YOU ON THE SPOT FOR LOOKING THE WRONG WAY!.
SO IF YOU SNEEZE THE WRONG WAY YOU’RE PLATES WON’T
TOUCH
THE FLOOR AS I SHOVE YOU IN JAIL!.
YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT A SUPERIOR WITH A SMIMEY LOOK AND
I’LL RIP YOUR EAD OFF AND SHITE DOWN THE WET SPOT!.
GO AWOL AND I’LL SHOOT YOU MYSELF!.
GET INSUBORDINATE WITH A SUPERIOR AND I’LL SHOVE MY PACE
STICK SO FAR UP YOU’RE ARSE IT WILL AVE TO BE SURGICALLY
REMOVED!."
"IF YOU HAVE A
FLIGHT BE THEIR FIVE MINUTES BEFORE HAND. I
DON’T LIKE TO SEE MY PLANES OVERHEATING!. I GET VERY ANGRY
WHEN I SEE THAT!."
"AND IF YOU MISS A
FLIGHT YOU BETTER AVE A BLOODY GOOD
REASON!."
"I WANT TO SEE
GLEAMING BOOTS FROM ONE END OF THE BASE TO
THE OTHER. AND IF I DON’T I’LL BE HAVING SOME NEW SHITE
'OUSE
ATTENDANTS. "
"REMEMBER IF IT
MOVES, SALUTE IT, IF IT DON’T MOVE PAINT IT!. IF
YOU CAN’T PAINT IT, POLISH IT!"
"WHY THE ELL ARE
YOU STILL STANDING ERE WITH THAT SHITE LOOK
ON YOUR GOB?. "
"GET YOU’RE
PLATES MOVING OUT THAT BLEEDIN DOOR BEFORE I
SHOVE MY BOOT UP YOU’RE ARSES!."
The next morning, at Goshawk's office:
Goshawk's office was
busy. Very busy! Pilot officers could be heard whining from
within and without and those waiting in the hallway were not
surprised when they heard a raising voice from within "but
Gos, sir, he's a bloody monster, can't you do something?"
Others would chorus the wail, and still some of those in the
hallway would pipe up "Hear hear!!" Cries of fear and
uncertainty were abounding, and had there been a baby present, it
too would have been bawling.
Ever since the ACSM had returned from Fighter Command, he was on
a tear. Airplanes were parked in nice neat rows, grass was mowed,
buildings had received fresh coats of paint, and daily orders
were posted conspicuously for all of the enlisted personnel to
see.
Goshawk looked out his window, while the cries and wailful moans
of those behind him faded away into his subconscious. He was
blocking them out for a bit of rest. He began noticing that
things were different. He spotted Reggie hurrying between planes,
at a much faster pace than before. Off to a side, ACSM
MacCulloughy was
chastising a new officer for a zipper on his coat not being quite
highly zipped enough. The young officer stood at stiff attention.
Behind him, two other young officers were doing push-ups at a
frenetic pace. Their shouts of counting could be heard even above
the din of groanings from the men behind him. [thirty three,
thirty four, thirty
five]
At the ACSM's outhouse, two recent recipients of the Aw#####
award were hard at work dumping the pots and cleaning up. SSGF
and Hangten did not look happy, but they were set with their
current lots in life. SSGF was the messied one, since he was
stuck with the lower berth. The overflow coated his boots and
leggings, and he'd
have a time of it trying to get those smelly things clean again.
At the mess tent, officers were going in and coming out smartly
in high step marching fashion, side to side and perfectly lined
up. Goshawk's eyes were blinking considerably and it wasn't
several seconds before he realized that it was being caused by
the reflections of sunlight bouncing off the toes of the
spitshined boots on
the men moving rapidly around outside.
Goshawk's fears were being realized. The ACSM had returned, and
so had a pestilence, a plague upon mankind it seemed. The man had
returned as if the wrath of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
had come themselves, to reak vengeance upon the officers and
enlisted personnel of the base. Something had to be done, and
had to be done bloody soon.
It must be done soon, before the ACS/M was able to ruin the whole
bloody war for everyone. Goshawk's attention turned back to the
men at his desk. The 609 blokes were grouped together, and even
the German pilots, the "Scourge" boys of the NJG88 were
there, demanding something be done.
Goshawk looked up at them, and with two words, he cleared the
room and hallways.
"He's coming!"
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Goshawk becomes a Poker
Ace:
[Goshawk
walked up to the podium, and looked out over the mass of empty
chairs in
the room]
"Ah-hem!", clearing his throat, then, "Gentlemen,
your attention."
[Goshawk looked up from the page to make sure that there was no
one listening,and seeing no one in the room, he smiled and carried on, talking
quickly.]
"It is with pride that I announce that I have been awarded
the Aces High medal for
successfully completing my 20th combat victory.
Congratulations."
[He reached into his pocket and pulled out the newly commissioned
medal, then
reached to pin it onto his uniform blouse]
"OUCH!",
he cried. "Damn that's sharp!"
[rubbing his wounded finger and sucking the tiny drop of blood
from it, he then
briskly stepped down and hurried out the door.]
ACSMaj MacCulloughy responds:
"SLAG EAP COME
ERE!."
"YOU ORRIBLE LITTLE MAN!. HOW
DARE YOU AVE A MEDALS PARADE WITHOUT ME!. "
"WHO THE ELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!. YOU MAY BE THE HEAD
RUPERT BUT I'M BLEEDIN GOD AND DON'T EVER SODDIN FORGET IT!.
AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO AVE A SODDIN MEDALS PARADE YOU
BETTER MAKE SURE YOU AVE THOSE SHITE INFESTED THINGS YOU
CALL BOOTS POLISHED EN THAT BUGGERING HEAP OF A TUNIC SHINING
LIKE THE SODDIN SUN!"
"CALL YOURSELF AN OFFICER? MY ARSE!. MORE LIKE A SLAG EAP
WITH
THE DOSE!. YOU SLACK AND IDLE LITTLE MAN!."
"CONFINE YOURSELF TO YOUR OFFICE FOR 48 HOURS AND REPORT TO
THE SHITE OUSE FOR A DAY'S SPECIAL DUTY!. AND THANK YOU'RE LUCKY
BLEEDIN STARS I DON'T SHOVE MY PACE STICK SO FAR UP YOU'RE ARSE
YOU EAD WOULD RING FOR A BLOODY WEEK!."
"NOW SOD OFF AND GET BACK TO WORK.! and congratulations good
job!.
NOW, WHY ARE YOU STILL ERE YOU ORRID LITTLE INDIVIDUAL!.
MOVE IT!. "
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
No609_Stretch gets sprogged and gonged.
Air Command Sgt.Major responds:
"DID
YOU'RE MOTHER AVE ANY THING THAT LIVED?. YOU ORRIBLE LITTLE MAN!.
YOU SLACK AND IDLE DIRT BAG!. WHAT THE BLOODY ELL DO YOU CALL
THAT THING YOU GOT HANG ON YOU LIKE A BAG!. GET YOU'RE ARSE TO
THE TAILORS AND GET THAT DISGRACE YOU CALL A UNIFORM SORTED OUT
BEFORE I SORT YOU OUT!. NOW YOU'RE A RUPERT YOU BETTER BLEEDIN
ACT LIKE ONE YOU ORRIBLE LITTLE MAN!."
"WHY THE SODDIN ELL ARE YOU STANDING ERE?......
MOVVVVVVVVVE!."
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Double-Ace awarded to OzHeat, and NG_Mateo gets sprogged and gonged:
It is with pleasure
that I announce that we have a new double Ace in our midst.
OzHeat has attained the goal of 10 match victories. In
recognition for this
achievement, he has been awarded the Distinguished Service Medal.
He has also
been promoted to Squadron Leader. Congratulations, OzHeat.
A new pilot, NG_Mateo has also achieved his first match victory,
and as such has
been promoted to Flying Officer status. He has also ben awarded
the Combat
Readiness Medal.
[Salute] to both!
"Goshawk"
Air Command Sgt.Major responds:
"DID YOU CRAWL DOWN YOU'RE
MUVERS LEG OR JUST DROP OUT
ON YOU"RE EAD!. COME ERE YOU TWO!."
"YOU TWO RUPERTS ARE THE WORST DOG HUMPERS I AVE ON THIS
BASE!. WHAT THE BLEEDIN ELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR A BLOODY HERO
BISCUIT!. INSTEAD OF STANDING LIKE A COUPLE OF SLAPPERS WAITING
FOR A TUPPENNY HUMP WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOU'RE LITTLE YELLOW VESTS
ON AND GET THOSE PLANES IN THE BLOODY AIR BEFORE I SHOVE A
PROP SO FAR UP YOURE SODDIN ARSE PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU
SWALLOWED THE WHOLE BLEEDIN PLANE!.
MOVE YOURE ARSES BEFORE I PUT MY BOOT TO YOU!. AND PUT SOME
SODDIN POLISH ON THOSE BOOTS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT TOO!. "
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Double Ace recognized:
No609_Shredd:
It is with pleasure that I am able to announce that we have a new
double Ace in our midst. Another of the No609 boys has made the grade after
No609_Shredd achieving his 10th combat
victory.
In recognition for his efforts, No609_Shredd has been awarded the
Distinguished Service Cross
and promoted to Squadron Leader.
Congratulations!
Air Command Sgt.Major responds:
"COME ERE PRETTY
BOY!."
"WHAT ARE YOU?!. AN ORRIBLE LITTLE MAN!, THAT'S WHAT.
STANDING ALL BOLD AS BRASS!.
WELL MY YOUNG SNOT NOSED TOSSER, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU!. YOU LOOK
LIKE A BIG BLITZ!. I THINK YOU'D MAKE A BETTER BUS DRIVER THAN A
FIGHTER PILOT!."
"SO IF YOU WANT TO
BE A FIGHTER PILOT INSTEAD OF IN A DUSTBIN, YOU'D BETTER GET YOUR
#####E TOGETHER!. GET SOME SODDIN POLISH ON THOSE RAG TAG BOOTS
OF YOUR'S, POLISH YOUR ARSE AND BRASS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT
PILE OF SHITE YOU CALL A BUNK!. AND IF YOU LOSE ONE MORE OF MY
BLEEDIN PLANES IN YOUR NEVER ENDING QUEST FOR GLORY I'LL RIP OF
YOUR KNACKERS AND TAKE EM OME IN MY SODDIN POCKET!.
NOW SOD OFF AND GET TO WORK!. "
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Wolf reaches 30 victories:
First pilot to 30 match
victories: Wolf
In recognition of this pilot's outstanding combat record, in
achieving 30 match victories, Wolf has been awarded the
Distinguished Service Order by His Majesty.
Congratulations, Wolf.
Air Command Sgt.Major responds:
"YOU!. COME
ERE!."
"Congratulations. NOW PUT SOME BLEEDIN POLISH ON THOSE
ABORTIONS YOU CALL BOOTS!. AND WHILE YOUR AT IT DRAG A BLOODY
IRON ACROSS THOSE RAGS YOU CALL A UNIFORM!.
NOW GET BACK TO IT. "
************** Quotes of the Sgt. Major **************
Newest Ace
pilot recognized: MooseEAW322
It is with
pleasure that I announce that we have a new Ace pilot in our
midst. Moose_EAW322 has attained this honor by achieving his 5th
combat match victory. As a result, he has been awarded the
Distinguished Flying Cross. The King has awarded him the Military
Cross for his efforts.
In recognition of hius feat, he has been promoted to the rank of
Flight Lieutenant.
Congratulations, Moose.
Air Command Sgt.Major responds:
"MOOSE
COME ERE!."
"INSTEAD OF PARADING AROUND WITH YOUR TROUSERS UNDONE AND
WAVING YOUR GONG AROUND YOUR ARSE SHOULD BE IN A PIT DOING
WHAT HRH IS PAYING YOU TO BLOODY DO!. "
"NOW GET YOUR ARSE MOVING ACROSS THE TARMAC TOWARDS THAT
PLANE BEFORE I KICK YOU SO ARD YOUR KNACKERS COME UP
THROUGH YOUR HONKER!."
"MOVE!."